Old Hat - Reflections on Chapter 1

Remember the chapter in Little Woman called “Jo Meets Apollyon”?   Jo’s hot temper won’t let her forgive Amy for burning her precious stories, and because she hardens her heart, she almost loses Amy.  Little Women, and the Apollyon chapter in particular, definitely shaped me as child and later as a mother. Like Jo, I had a hot temper that I did not know how to control. Like Jo, I was often full of bitter remorse. Marmee soothed me as she soothed Jo; encouraged me as she encouraged Jo; understood me as she understood Jo.  I was blown away by this fictional mother, and I used to think, “When I am a mother, I’m going to be just like Marmee.”  Marmee: the fount of all patience, wisdom, quietude, forbearance, self-sacrifice, and love. 

Well, I’ve been a mother for more than twenty-three years now, and I’m still falling way short of Marmeehood.   But Marmee is still my ideal, and I guess you could call Little Women my “motherhood bible.”  I’ve read it more often as an adult than I ever did as a child, and even now, if I am stealing a few moments to relax in the tub or enjoy a quiet lunch and I don’t have time to start a new book or read anything heavy, I’ll just grab Little Women and open it at random and enjoy a chapter.  I have read it so many times that I am as familiar with the contents of my motherhood bible as I am with my Holy Bible.

But here’s the thing: Little Women never gets old to me.  I always enjoy reading even a few lines. But I’m sad to say that, lately, Scripture has gotten old. I try to read my Bible, but I get this impatient “I know all this already” feeling that I never get with Alcott.  I never tire of Marmee’s gentle admonitions, but Paul’s seem repetitive.  

Why should this be? It shouldn’t be – that I know! Little Women is a wonderful book, but it’s children’s literature and it was written by a woman of questionable doctrine to say the least. The Bible holds the words of eternal life, written by men directly inspired by the Holy Spirit. It does indeed tell the Greatest Story ever told – a story that did change the world and a story that has the power to shape and change me more profoundly than anything else I could possibly read. Why then should the one book  be ever-fresh and the other old hat?

In this first chapter, Jo Kadlecek writes, “Maybe I’ve come to view Christ’s resurrection in the same way we would a really good action, adventure, and romance movie all rolled into one.…We pop it in the DVD player to watch it one more time before cleaning the house or going to work. We’re warm and fuzzy from its familiarity but rarely changed by it. We don’t always know what to do with it.”

That’s where I am.  Reading the adventures of the March family is soothing escapism. Reading Holy Scripture is guilty agitation. I don’t know what to do with words that should change me but don’t seem to.  I’m anxious about many things, including the fact that reading or hearing the Word that should be a balm is often a source of more agitation.  It’s a bit of a vicious circle - anxiety and guilt feeding more anxiety and guilt.

But I have been here before. And I’ve been renewed in my spirit before - through study, through fellowship – through God’s provision.  I am praying that as we look for new insights in these “old hat” stories and share our reflections with each other, my love for my Savior and His powerful Word will be renewed and strengthened.  I want that. But I know that even these dry days are working for my good and God’s glory.  I’m confident that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. And I trust that through the power of my resurrected and living Savior I will someday be, not like Marmee, but like Christ: the fount of all patience, wisdom, quietude, forbearance, self-sacrifice, and love.

Dear Lord, grant that I may find your Word a glorious feast of peace and promise that leads me to more love, gratitude, and trust!